The Humboldt Crud and Bucket Lists

Well, where we live they call it the 'Humboldt Crud.'  We are taking turns with this sickness at our house, and evidently it's my turn.  Being under the weather affords a little 'think time.'  It would not be nice to attend church and pass around the bug today, so at home I sit, and help watch the little one and do this and that and think.

Watching the news the other night it was rather sobering to see all the celebrities and famous folk who passed away this year.  Added to this list were quite a few sweet people we knew personally who closed the final chapter in their earthly lives.  It makes one ponder as we start to turn to the page 2013 and begin to write upon it, knowing that life itself may take the pen and write what it wants to write, instead of what we had planned.

It's funny how many things on our bucket list are just that - things....experiences, maybe.  Wanting to do something exciting, go some place we have never been or achieving something is often at the top of these lists.  But when it is all said and done, and we turn that last page in our book, all we really want are close relationships.

So as 2013 comes into view, I'm thinking about relationships and realizing their development trumps any bucket list.  There are so many people in our lives to love and learn to understand a little better.  And as much as that means, there is a relationship that means even more - for we enter this life as an individual, and we leave it the same way.  And then we stand before the Creator of Life.  I would not want to stand before His presence as a stranger or acquaintance.  No, that is the relationship above all worth investing great time and effort.

So, 2013, here is to relationships, earthly and heavenly, human and divine.  May your year be rich with people whom you love, people whom you will forgive and may your year be especially made rich by the One who offers forgiveness to us all.  Happy New Year.     

Horrific Grief and the Hope of Heaven

Grief is a constant part of life, although a part we don't like to talk about much.  We grieve loss in many areas but certainly the most profound and deepest grief is to lose a loved one.  And when that loved one is a child the sorrow is unspeakable.  As people of faith we too grieve and mourn the insane violence and loss of life that has thrust many families, a whole community and an entire nation into a season of deepest and profound sadness.  And although our hearts and emotions suffer through this time, as believers in Christ, we grieve with hope.  Our faith is made more real as we cling to God not necessarily for answers but for a trust that believes that ultimately in heaven.  In heaven there will be justice, the wrongs will be made right and in a supernatural way we can't understand, our tears will be wiped a way.  A glimpse into this heaven is when Job in all his suffering had an encounter with God, and suddenly it was enough.  We won't have that answer here on earth but the hope of heaven is everything when our hearts are so broken. 

In that picture of hope we visualize all those children running into Jesus arms.

The parents of a child who was born with many birth defects and physical suffering shared with me that what helps them to cope and stay away from depression is to serve others and they do so beautifully in many circumstances.  Their faith is made real for they do more than intellectually say "we believe," they demonstrate hope by investing in the lives of others.

In this horrific season of grief, we do well to imitate this families example, and through our questions, struggle with grief and hurt, seek to touch another life, uplift someone else and serve someone in Jesus name who can't return the favor.

Ways to Help in Troubled Times

It gives me great comfort to know that at times Jesus was “troubled in spirit” (John 13:21).  The Scriptures indicate that Jesus had this distressing feeling right before He was to “speak the truth in love” to someone He truly cared for – Judas Iscariot.   

When I, as a growing Christian, feel “troubled in spirit” my next thoughts are usually ones of guilt.  “A good Christian shouldn’t be so uptight…we are told not to worry…not to be anxious about anything…yet here I am fretting.”   It helps me to know that Jesus understood feelings of dread and anticipatory grief.   

After Jesus spoke those words of loving confrontation to Judas… “that you do, do quickly” , He launched a conversation with His disciples that would change the world.  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”.  John 13:34-35. 

This “loving one another” shines most brightly in troubled times.  It seems that our hearts are most open to God during crisis.  God draws near to the brokenhearted. Dark times can be holy moments when believers seek to communicate God’s love and care when it is needed most.   

Author and speaker Lauren Littauer Briggs shares some insights from her own times of personal tragedy and from the wisdom of others who have traveled difficult roads.  Briggs and others who view this blog writes some “Do’s” and “Don’t” for helping someone when they are hurting:

DO:     

• Respond in a timely manner.
• Offer caring statements that acknowledge they are going through a crisis.
• Offer specific things to help.
• Step out and help (example:  I’m going to the store, will you check your milk and see if you need any).
• Help your brother or sister in Christ find a “new normal.”
• Use the agreement principle (example: if I was facing that I’d feel the same way). 
• Listen to how they are feeling.
• Share Bible verses with a promise (I will be with you).
• Encourage (gently push, if there is a strong  and trusting relationship already established) against the normal response of isolation.  Encourage involvement in support groups, Christ-centered counseling, hospice (if applicable), grief counseling and significant friendships.
• Remember the children in the situation and that they have a need for interaction with their peers as well.  The children may need counseling in a tough situation or involvement in a helping group through the church or school.  Offer rides or an extra hand.
• Tell them you will pray for them and then really pray for them.

DON’T

·         Wait too long.  It gets more awkward.

·         Say things that minimize what the hurting person is going through.

·         Ask “when will you be your ‘old self’ again?”

·         Offer spiritual cliche's.

·          Say “HI!! How are you?!!!”

·         Say “I know just how you feel!”

·         Tell your hurting person, “don’t worry…have faith.”

·         Don’t put time tables on the other person or compare their situation with other things.

 

If you have been through something difficult, and from your own experience would like to add to this “Do” and “Don’t” list, I would welcome your dialogue.  You may contact me through the comments on this blog or through facebook.

Your experience can help your brothers and sisters in Christ as we seek to be better helpers and “bear one another’s burdens.”  Thank you.

Prayers of the Saints

She hobbled around her room a bit.  The arthritis in her knees had been flaring up with painful intensity in recent months.  Another morning  for this 92 year-old.  She reaches down to a bookshelf to retrieve a treat for her pet fluffy mutt dog - her constant companion in these vintage years.  She notices a box of letters and smiles,  Taking the most recent one out of the envelope again she reads and rereads the quickly penned message.  The elderly little “elf” only standing 4 feet 10 inches closes her eyes in prayer as she does each day to pray for each of her children and their families.  Putting the letter box back on the shelf, she picks up the white worn leather “birthday book”.  It is a gold mine of family, friends, dates, remembrances.  Anyone’s birthday coming up soon, she wonders?  It is the Spring of 1990, and events will soon transpire that will usher this little lady into heaven.  The cancer, undetected, had started it’s toll on her frail little body, but it could not touch her Spirit.   

Six months later we stood in her room.  So many memories… My husband and I noticed each framed picture and trinket that meant so much to his Mom.  It was only a few weeks ago that our toddler was playing on her lap.  What delight a 2 ½ year old can bring.  But today, were getting dressed for Mom’s funeral.  I was blessed to have such a mother-in-law.    

My eyes glanced down to a shelf and to my surprise I noticed a box of letters.  Each letter had our return address with my handwriting up in the corner.  She had kept every one of my letters!  I picked up the box.  It was obvious that she had read them over and over again.  Those letters… Just quick, “hi, how are you, we are doing good” kind of letters.  A wave of sadness swept over me.  If I had realized how much those quickly scrawled words from us had meant to her, I would have taken more time with those letters.  I would have said deeper things, and expressed our love for her more, even more.  I just didn’t realize the preciousness of those letters to her. 

Do you know that God counts our prayers to Him as absolutely precious?  In Revelations 5:8 we read about a heavenly scene.  “When He had taken the book, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each one holding a harp and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints.”   

How do you like the imagery of your prayers being preserved as something precious, carefully kept in a golden bowl in heaven, and being likened to incense – something sweet and fragrant before the God of the universe?  What a powerful statement about God’s feelings about our communications with Him.  He loves us so much and longs to hear from us so much that He keeps our prayers – even our quick  “hi God, how are you, I need your help” kind of prayers.   

If we truly understood the magnitude of what our prayers mean to Him, would it not change the way we pray?  Would we not be compelled to take more time, to be more real, and to express our love to God more fervently?  Our Heavenly Father is like the father portrayed in Luke 15 – the dad always watching the horizon for the return of his run-away child, who will rejoice when we turn to Him with a repentant heart.  He longs to hear from us.  The father in ‘The Prodigals Son’ was not concerned with fancy speeches from his wayward son, only the words and intent of his heart.  Likewise our Heavenly Father loves our real, unvarnished prayers.   

In Eugene Peterson’s “The Message” Matthew  6:9-13 is presented in down-to-earth language.  

‘Our Father in heaven,

Reveal who you are,

Set the world right;

Do what’s best –

                As above, so below.

Keep us alive with three square meals.

Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. 

Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.

You’re in charge!

You can do anything you want!

You’re ablaze in beauty!

                Yes. Yes. Yes.’

Questions and Doubts

Margaret Feinberg shares some thoughts about bringing questions and doubts to God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSq9pQDLtw4&feature=share

When This Christmas is "Different"

As the years go by our Christmas celebrations undergo change.  Even though there are treasured traditions that we often cling to, change is inevitable.  People who were once an intricate part of our Christmas time that are gone through death, divorce, a geographical move or estrangement can leave a cavernous hole in our hearts, especially this time of year.  Our culture, as a rule, doesn't grieve very well.  Yet, as much as that hurt can be we can probably think of someone in our lives who is having a much harder time than we are this season and just the thought of extending some comfort their way can disengage us, in a small way, from our own loss.  


But truly, as strong as all those memories may be, today is a day set aside to focus on someone else.  It's the celebration of Jesus' birthday.  "For a child is born to us, a son is given to us.  The government will rest on His shoulders.  And He will be called, "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6 NLT)."    


It's uplifting to consider, what kind of gift can I give to Him?  It may be a commitment to be more engaged with people this year and reach out where we normally wouldn't.  It may be to pray more often and more fervently.  Perhaps our gift will be in the area of trusting God more and taking to heart that He does have plans for us and rely on His promise that His plans are good.  Perhaps there has been a nudge in our hearts - something we believe God wants us to do, but it is inconvenient, so it sits on the back burner of our minds.  Perhaps this is the year to turn up the flame and take a bold step of faith.  Maybe that gift will be a resolution to take God's Word more seriously and notch up time spent reading the Bible and asking each day, "how does this effect me, and what would God want me to do today?  Maybe it's forgiving a grudge or showing someone grace that reflects the love of God, even if they do not deserve it - keeping in mind when it comes to deserving grace, none of us qualify.  


The legend of the Little Drummer Boy asks what kind of gift do I have to offer a King?  Gifts of wealth or possessions did not propel Christ's mission on earth.  It was the gifts of the Spirit and the heart that changed the world.  

Christmas Blues

Christmas – just mentioning the word can cause intense images to fill our imaginations. It’s a season laden with memories. For some the mental pictures are rich and sweet. For some, Christmas is a painful time of remembering, and the memories hurt.


There may be those in our midst who are mourning the loss of a loved one taken by death, or divorce. People around us may be experiencing the loss of love or attention from a friend or family member. Individuals may be lonely, suffering from rejection, feeling the heartache of a child going astray, or reeling from the revelation of bad news about their health, finances or marriage. Christmas can fan the flame of a memory one would rather forget.


How can we offer the hope and healing of Christ during this season that for some heightens painful emotions? Here are three things to consider:


1. Help resolve the immediate pain. Perhaps there is some practical help we can offer to someone around us experiencing the holiday hurts. Whether it’s an extra visit or offering assistance in an area of physical need, or being a sensitive listener, timely attention can help take the sharp edge off the loss.


2. Encourage growth. A natural response to pain is to withdraw. We can encourage a friend to stay strong in church by offering a personal invitation. This kind gesture helps him or her to stay connected to other people and to the Lord.


3. Help increase the coping mechanisms. The thought of normal traditions may be painful. It’s okay to start a new tradition or do something new and creative during the holidays. Offering our friends a fresh perspective or a shoulder to cry on helps him or her process the heightened emotions. ’We can help our friends discover the ways that God shows His goodness by helping us each step of the way on our journey of hope and healing.


Most of all we need to remember that God is the God of hope. His Word is the book of hope. Through the pages of the Bible we find help for our deepest needs, especially when we’re hurting. Jim Cymbala, in his book, Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire, says “ I discovered an astonishing truth: God is attracted to weakness. He can’t resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need him”.


“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

The Gift of Presence

"When three of Job's friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him...Waling loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words." Job 2:11a; 12b-13

We know from the rest of the story of Job that after Job's comforters started talking they made his suffering even worse. But for the first seven days they got it right. They stopped whatever they were doing and traveled to be with their friend. The joined Job in his grief and expressed their deep sadness over his situation - wailing loudly.

Grief shared brings a measure of comfort. It means so much when we know we aren't alone - when others hurt for us.

Job's comforters showed sensitivity to his plight. They understood (at that point) that their words could not make the situation better and were wholly inadequate to express the depth of grief required.

Sometimes words aren't enough.

Job's friends gave him the gift of their presence. They were there just staying close - expressing great care just by being there.

Maybe Job would tell us something like this:
The person in grief doesn't need to be fixed, to get their mind off the tragedy, to be told to get over it, to look at the bright side or any other cliche statements. That person needs time and space to process grief and the best comforters are those who allow them that and just stay by their side without shallow commentary.

The gift of presence - emotionally, physically and spiritually is what it means to "be there."

Grief's Journey

I'm reading through a great little book by H. Norman Wright called Experiencing Grief. I'm very familiar with it - having read it before and offering it to many. But in the weeks after losing my Dad I'm reading, pondering and praying through the book yet again. There's a quote I especially appreciated today. "I cry from time to time, and often find myself swallowing this strange lump in my throat. But I am learning not to apologize for my tears since they are God's gracious gift to me to express my loss, and a sign that I am indeed recovering. As I continue to feel, God continues to heal."

Though I have had moments of intense sadness because I miss my Dad, my most overwhelming emotion is gratefulness. He imprinted my life in so many ways. I am so thankful for my Dad. I walked all over the house today looking at cards he had sent, seeing his handwriting in books he had given me, and looking over his handywork in things he had made which we display proudly in our home. I was blessed. I still am.

I Miss You

SoulArtist
Listening to the Heart...Responding with Colors from the Master's Palette

I MISS YOU

I miss you.
And other people may find that
Hard to understand.
To them you were something they never saw.
They only knew you existed because I told them so;
And because I was a little cranky in the evenings,
Woosy in the mornings, and craving very weird food.
How thrilled I was when I found out you were there,
Within me! Inside of me!
Such an incredible thought.
I dreamed many dreams of what you would be like.
Would you have Don’s eyes?
My funny knock knees?
What would your personality be?
And then in such a short time
You were gone.
The doctor couldn’t find your heartbeat.
On the modern ultra sound screen I could see
Your tiny form
Inside me.
And even though you didn’t move
I was amazed at the miracle of you.
How precious you were to me!
That would probably sound strange to people
Because, like I said
They couldn’t see you, or evidence of you.
I take great comfort
That you are with our heavenly Father.
You must have been pretty special
For Him to take you to heaven so fast.
I look forward to seeing you one day.
I hope to have many years here on earth.
But someday, when He calls me home
I will have the privilege of holding you
In my arms.
I will always hold you in my heart.
I do not know what the future will bring,
If I’ll have a child someday.
But that child will never replace you.
I’m sure with time
The pain I feel at your loss
Will diminish
And life goes on…
But I will never forget you.
You were and are unique in all the universe
And the time I have you within me
Will remain a special time in my memory.
Thinking about you makes me truly realize
How precious life is,
And how we need to appreciate those lives
We come in contact with
On our journey through this world.
I’m so thankful
That you were created
And but for a moment
Our lives were intertwined.


By Penny Fregeau
July 1987