Helping A Friend with the Holiday Blues

We know for sure that the holidays aren't the happiest days for everyone.  For those with broken hearts and an "empty chair" in their lives, the holidays point to that which is missing.  The sights and sounds of the season intensify memories and that can be painful.

How to help?  Here are a few ways:

• Initiate contact with your friend this holiday season, even if it is awkward.
• Think of simple and practical ways to show you care...pick up something needed at the market, bring by a cup of coffee, send a card, send a daily "thinking of you" text, offer to fix sothing that is broken, bring them a Christmas ornament, a copy of an interesting article, a magazine or a baked good.
• Help your friend fight against isolation...invite them into your lives...go shopping together, have a meal together, invite your friend to the Christmas service at your church.
• Acknowledge their loss.  When we have lost a significant person in our lives through death, we want to know others still think of their loved one.
• Donate to a meaningful charity in the name of your friends loved one and let your friend know.  Send your friend a card commemorating the gift.
• Help connect your friend to someone stronger on their similar road.  Make an introduction and tactfully bring up what they have in common.
• Give your friend uplifting reading material that shares Scripture.
• Pray for your friend, and if they will allow it pray with them focusing on God's promises of hope in every situation.
• Give cards with Scriptures that pertain to your friends circumstances.  The Psalms are wonderful sources of encouragement and strength.  For example, "My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!"  Psalm 121:2
• Help enlarge your friends perspective beyond today, beyond the holidays and help them remember they will not always feel the intensity of the pain they have today but that with Christ there is great hope for every tomorrow.

Ways to Help in Troubled Times

It gives me great comfort to know that at times Jesus was “troubled in spirit” (John 13:21).  The Scriptures indicate that Jesus had this distressing feeling right before He was to “speak the truth in love” to someone He truly cared for – Judas Iscariot.   

When I, as a growing Christian, feel “troubled in spirit” my next thoughts are usually ones of guilt.  “A good Christian shouldn’t be so uptight…we are told not to worry…not to be anxious about anything…yet here I am fretting.”   It helps me to know that Jesus understood feelings of dread and anticipatory grief.   

After Jesus spoke those words of loving confrontation to Judas… “that you do, do quickly” , He launched a conversation with His disciples that would change the world.  “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”.  John 13:34-35. 

This “loving one another” shines most brightly in troubled times.  It seems that our hearts are most open to God during crisis.  God draws near to the brokenhearted. Dark times can be holy moments when believers seek to communicate God’s love and care when it is needed most.   

Author and speaker Lauren Littauer Briggs shares some insights from her own times of personal tragedy and from the wisdom of others who have traveled difficult roads.  Briggs and others who view this blog writes some “Do’s” and “Don’t” for helping someone when they are hurting:

DO:     

• Respond in a timely manner.
• Offer caring statements that acknowledge they are going through a crisis.
• Offer specific things to help.
• Step out and help (example:  I’m going to the store, will you check your milk and see if you need any).
• Help your brother or sister in Christ find a “new normal.”
• Use the agreement principle (example: if I was facing that I’d feel the same way). 
• Listen to how they are feeling.
• Share Bible verses with a promise (I will be with you).
• Encourage (gently push, if there is a strong  and trusting relationship already established) against the normal response of isolation.  Encourage involvement in support groups, Christ-centered counseling, hospice (if applicable), grief counseling and significant friendships.
• Remember the children in the situation and that they have a need for interaction with their peers as well.  The children may need counseling in a tough situation or involvement in a helping group through the church or school.  Offer rides or an extra hand.
• Tell them you will pray for them and then really pray for them.

DON’T

·         Wait too long.  It gets more awkward.

·         Say things that minimize what the hurting person is going through.

·         Ask “when will you be your ‘old self’ again?”

·         Offer spiritual cliche's.

·          Say “HI!! How are you?!!!”

·         Say “I know just how you feel!”

·         Tell your hurting person, “don’t worry…have faith.”

·         Don’t put time tables on the other person or compare their situation with other things.

 

If you have been through something difficult, and from your own experience would like to add to this “Do” and “Don’t” list, I would welcome your dialogue.  You may contact me through the comments on this blog or through facebook.

Your experience can help your brothers and sisters in Christ as we seek to be better helpers and “bear one another’s burdens.”  Thank you.

Coach, Mentor, Sponsor, Friend

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDSLx-14aDg
In Celebrate Recovery there is something called a sponsor.  A sponsor could be otherwise described as a coach, mentor, and friend.  The most important aspect of the relationship is encouragement.  Truly we were not meant to walk this journey alone. 

Parenting Style

She sat at the stair step by my computer nook and drew happily, occasionally explaining in detail about the flowers and beginnings of alphabet letters she drew.  I was amazed at how unbelievably content she seemed - this "just being together" time.  The moments reminded me of my own childhood as I would spend hours drawing at the desk my father made me.  In fact some of my most treasured memories are of the times he and I would sit at the desk and design projects and dream of good ideas - drawing them all down on paper.  We had both times of togetherness and times of unstructured drawing - of creativity, brainstorming and exploration.  Part of the wonder of childhood is just that "dreaming time".  


As now a grandparent I appreciate anew how my parents provided both a loving stable structure for me, yet gave me the freedom of expression crowned with praise and encouragement for my efforts.  What a blessed child I was.  Because of how they treated me, I always knew children were special.      


When Jesus, "God in the flesh," walked planet earth - He demonstrated to a rough and adult-oriented world the great worth and value of children.  In the way Jesus treated others, and in particular - children, He shows us a parenting style that leaves no doubt that He delights in us, enjoys our company and loves us more than we can comprehend.  ""Taking the child in His arms, He said to them, "anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes not only me but also my Father who sent me""  (Mark 9:36-37 NLT).